


City Lights

by pixxelate



Category: Holy Trinity (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Multi, Past Rape, Past Relationships, Possible smut, Recovery, Self Harm, Septiplier - Freeform, YouTube, facing pain, out of ideas for tags, septiplier angst, trigger warning, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:57:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9281147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixxelate/pseuds/pixxelate
Summary: Sean is in America, running away from dangers back in Ireland. Mark is trying to help him escape the pain through his own experiences. But neither of them know the amount of hurt they face daily, and how to survive it.





	1. Chapter 1

"Fuck off! I don't want you, whore!" Echoed through Jack's head day in and day out. What had he done wrong? Why would nobody ever stay with him that actually gave a damn? But this last time was his final straw. He’d had enough of being pushed around and used, treated like a slave, an object, property. The amount of physical damage was bad, he’d been in the hospital a few times, but he was emotionally ripped apart, and he couldn’t take anymore. He phoned up the only person who could help, the only person in his friend group that understood, that absolutely wouldn’t tell a soul.

“M-Mark?”  
“Sean, you okay buddy?” Mark asked softly, hearing Jack’s voice breaking.  
“I need a friend, c-can I come over?”  
“Of course! I’ll come pick you up, are you still at the hotel?”  
Jack had flown into LA without a word, and he had yet to give reason. Mark wasn’t going to pry, he knew things back in Ireland with Jack’s..’roommate’ hadn’t been going well, he often got rushed phone calls and voicemails with Jack breathing hard and asking to “just talk” for a minute. In a few videos Mark could see bruises and scrapes well hidden from the camera, and not at all in their skype calls.  
“Yeah I’m still at the hotel. C-could you please hurry?”  
“Sure, Jacky, be there soon. I’m already on my way.” Mark said as he locked his front door and got into his car.

 

“Fuck off….I don’t want you….whore.” He couldn’t make it stop, he was going insane over it. Jack knew people had said far worse to him, but it came from somebody he thought loved him, somebody he thought he loved. Jack sat on the neatly made bed and stared at the floor before standing up and searching the mini bar. Nothing was hard enough in that expensive caddy of tiny bottles. He sighed and went into the bathroom, laying back in the empty bathtub.   
“Mark’s gonna be pissed if you do it.” He whispered to himself.  
Jack closed his eyes and put a dry cloth over his face, the surface of the tub cooling his skin. 

About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door of Jack’s room. He lazily got out of the tub and pulled the door open, looking Mark up and down with sleepy eyes.  
“C’mon in, Marky.” Jack yawned and gave entrance to his black-haired friend.  
“You okay? Sorry it took so long, there was a pileup on the interstate and people were rubbernecking all around it.” Mark walked in sheepishly, carding a hand through his hair.  
“Oh that’s fine, I took a lil’ nap, well needed.” Jack smiled.  
“But are you okay?” Mark asked again, intending to get an answer.  
Jack pulled his sweatshirt off, dark bruises on his arms accented with small cuts and scrapes. He had bruises everywhere. Mark could tell, and he knew the same pain all too well.

Jack sniffled as Mark pulled him into a hug, leaning into his strong arms, breathing in his scent.   
“Oh Sean, I’m sorry.” Mark whispered.”  
“Can I stay with you?”  
“Of course,” Mark soothed, “I can’t say I’m in any better shape than you, but we both need a friend, and I’ll do my best to help you.”


	2. Safe Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Sean getting back to Mark's place, learning a bit more and adjusting to a new situation.

Mark waited for Sean to check out of the hotel as he got his things from the room. They loaded up the car and Mark started the drive back to his house.  
“Chica’s really missed you.” He spoke solemnly.  
“I’ve missed her too. She’s a good girl.” Sean whispered, staring out the window with his sad, cerulean eyes threatening to spill.

 

Once the boys got to Mark’s place and the door was unlocked, Chica ran circles in her crate, begging to be let out. She was freed and she rushed to Sean, jumping up and licking him, barking happily.

“Hi girl, hi pupper!” Sean stroked her soft yellow fur and cooed to her lovingly.  
Mark forced a soft smile and took the Irishman’s bags upstairs.   
“I’ll let you pick a room whenever you want.” He said when he came back down to the main room.

“Thanks Mark.” Sean looked up from Chica, looking exhausted upon close inspection. “D’ya have anything to eat?” He mumbled, ashamed that even when he was away from Declan, he was too afraid to feed himself.

Mark nodded and rushed to a fully-stocked kitchen, having not been eating enough either. He came back with a variety of snacks and a soda he knew Sean liked.  
“How’s this?”

“Perfect, thanks Mark.” Sean took a bag of chips and the drink and sat on a stool in the island of Mark’s kitchen.

Mark sat beside him slowly and stared at the food he’d collected with harsh caramel eyes. 

“You okay there Markimoo?”

“Wh- oh, yeah. Just distracted.” Mark cleared his throat and looked at the countertop.

“Y’know you can eat yer food too, right? I mean, it is yours.” Sean tilted his head.

“Yeah. No, I’m not- not hungry.” That was a lie and they both knew it. 

“Oh. Alright...” Sean looked at Mark, examining his face, the way he picked at the skin on his fingernails, tearing at himself until he was bleeding. He took Mark’s hands and held them so he stopped.

“Sorry! S-Sorry. I wasn’t thinking, I-I've been trying to stop, I’m sorry.” Mark’s head jerked up, eyes wide in fear.

 

“Woah, Mark, it’s okay. I jus’ don’t want ye to hurt yourself.” Sean rubbed the tops of Mark’s hands with his thumbs, looking with concern into his chestnut eyes.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine. I just...I got reprimanded a lot for that when Andrew lived here.” Mark stared back at the Irishman.

“I’m sorry. But the important thing is it’s over now, and I’m not him.”

“And I’m not Declan, and he can’t come over here.” Mark spoke softly.

“Right. So I guess you’ve figured it out?”

“I knew a while back but I didn’t want to say anything in case it got you in trouble, because I got in trouble a lot.I knew you could leave him, so I figured that was better than getting you hurt.” 

“Thanks. Not just for that, but for letting me stay here, and for being so good to me.”

Mark brushed Sean’s hair from his face and looked at him, love heavy in his face. “No need to thank me for doing what you would’ve done for me. I really care about you, Sean. I’d do anything for you.”

Sean put his head in the center of Mark’s chest and hugged him tight. “Thank you Marky.”

Mark wrapped his arms tight around the younger YouTuber and held him close, swaying gently, rubbing his back as wet tear stains grew on his t-shirt. “Anything for you. I promise you’re safe with me. I promise.” He whispered.

They stayed like that for a while. Broken, but together, and that was all they needed.

 

Suddenly a hand pressed a cracker against Mark’s lips, forcing it into his mouth as he laughed.  
“Sean!” Mark laughed with a mouth full of crumbs.

“Eat, yer gettin’ too skinny! That’s my thing, I’m the little boy and yer muscular and strong so ye can protect me!” Sean forced another cracker into Mark’s mouth. “Now chew and swallow or I’ll do it for ye.”

Mark obeyed, deciding to not be too difficult. Sean smiled and looked over Mark’s face carefully. He seemed tired, but his eyes were the same caring caramel that made Sean feel like he was safe.

“Thanks Markimoo, love ya.” Sean whispered. 

Mark nodded and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, I guess I was kinda hungry after all.”

“Mark, you hardly ate. That wasn’t near enough to keep ya full. I’m lettin’ it slip this time, but we really need to talk about you. Just cause I’m here doesn’t mean I’m more important than you are.”


	3. Stagnant Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Sean try and settle for bed, but a horrible flashback/nightmare plagues Sean, waking them both, and things go downhill from there.
> 
> This chapter is honestly kinda short and there's some graphic depictions of self harm, so know yourself and please skip it if you need to, I've clearly marked where it is for you all. Stay safe guys.

As the sun set and the night sky grew darker, the youtubers were more and more ready to turn in for bed.

“G’night Marky.” Sean yawned as he trudged upstairs.

“Wait, which bedroom are you taking?” Mark followed after him.

“Yours.”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep alone. I get nightmares, please Mark, I promise nothin’ will happen, it’s just sleeping in the same bed, we’ve done it before.” Sean pleaded.

“Hey- I never said no, dude. It’s fine.” Mark smiled softly, putting a gentle hand on Sean’s shoulder, rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

“T-Thank you.” Sean sighed and leaned his head on Mark’s hand.

Mark gave the Irishman his bags and went into his closet to change, shutting the door. Sean changed into pajamas in Mark’s bathroom, sweatpants and an old soft t shirt from his drumming days. Mark smiled, wearing his own sweats and a crisis text line shirt, reclining on the bed. Sean crawled up next to him, holding a stuffed bear from his childhood and a baby blanket. He leaned his head on Mark’s chest and closed his eyes.  
“Hey, Jackaboy.” Mark cooed.

“Hi Markimoo.” Sean giggled sleepily.

“Sweet dreams.”

“You too Mark.”

 

An hour or so later Sean started stirring and moving around as he slept. He rolled away from Mark and broke out in a cold sweat.

“P-Please,no, I’m sorry! Declan, please don’t- I didn’t do it!” He cried desperately, tears streaking his face.

Mark woke up slowly and looked over. “Sean? You okay?”

Sean was shaking in fear, stuck in a horrible nightmare, trying to run away from getting hurt again.

Mark scooped Sean up and woke him gently. “Hey, buddy, wake up. It’s okay, I’m here, I have you now, you’re safe.”

Sean cried into Mark’s shirt, gripping the fabric with white knuckles, holding back a scream. He curled up into a tense ball, a defense mechanism he found worked best with Declan.

Mark cradled Sean in his arms, rocking him and cooing softly to calm him. He knew the terror of those dreams, how real it felt, like he was right there about to get his ass beat. He knew what it took to not just lose his mind and fall apart, stop putting out videos, stop tweeting and interacting with fans, friends, and family. He knew Sean was stronger than Declan ever could be. 

Sean sniffled and wiped his eyes after he got calm. “I’m s-sorry. Did I wake ye?”

“Don’t worry about it. You okay now?” Mark asked gently.

“Yeah. Jus’ I thought- I thought he was here. I’m fine now.” Sean sat up and sighed. “What time is it?”

“Five twenty two.”

“I can’t get back to sleep. If it’s okay with ye, I’m goin’ to make some coffee.” Sean stood up and looked to Mark for approval.

“You don’t need to ask me, what’s mine is yours.” Mark rubbed his eyes. “Mind making me some too though?”

“Sure, how do ye take it?” Sean asked from the doorway.

“However you wanna make it.” Mark put his glasses on and smiled warmly. 

 

(trigger warning, skip over it if you need to)

 

When the Irishman was out of sight he went into the bathroom and opened his cabinet. He took his morning prescriptions and opened a small box that he kept hidden. Inside lived a small lighter, a variety of razor blades and broken glass, and more pills. He sighed, pushing his raven mess of hair from his face, and picked up a rusted blade he had melted out of a razor. Mark closed the bathroom door and sat on the cold tile floor, wriggling out of his sweat pants. The moment he made the first cut, his inner thigh, he felt a world of relief. Mark kept dragging the blade across his skin, moving to his arms, his blood spilling and staining the white floor red. He just wanted control, he wanted an outlet, he wanted to feel pain different than the always lingering, stagnant torture that slowly started to be his normal, but anybody else it would’ve destroyed. Mark realized he’d gone too far again, and as the edges of his vision started to blur, Sean opened the door to find the blood, the box, Mark, everything.


	4. Breathe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery. Adaptation. The works.
> 
> The chapter goes with a song, the link is pasted for you guys so you can kind of get in my head and see what inspired me as I was writing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFGvmrJ5rjM

He could see the fluorescent lights through his eyelids, he could smell the familiar pristine clean of hospital, the IV poked through the skin on his hand. Mark knew without even opening his eyes that he’d messed up again, and this time Sean was there to see it. Mark heard his heart rate steadily increasing as he started to panic.

“Mark? Are ya awake?” Sean sat up from his chair, his voice raspy, fresh from sleep.

Mark’s eyes opened slowly. “Yeah. Yeah I’m awake. I’m sorry.”

Sean sat on the edge of Mark’s bed, covering him up with the thin, sanitary blanket. “Don’t be.”

Mark rubbed his eyes and looked at his arms. “God. Fuck.” He whispered.

Sean brushed Mark’s hair back and looked into his eyes. “It’s okay. It’s okay Marky.”

Mark sighed and leaned his head back in relief as tears started streaming down his face. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

“Mark, really. I’m not mad or anything. I should’ve been watching you, I should’ve known something was wrong.”

“There’s no way you could’ve known, Sean. I just...I took it too far again, normally I know when to stop. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Mark, you’re my best friend. I saw something wasn’t right and I ignored it.” Sean handed Mark a coffee, black. “I never got to give ya this.”

“Thanks.” Mark sniffled. “Am I on watch?”

“Yeah. I can stay with ya though.”

Mark nodded and closed his eyes, sipping the coffee. Sean laid beside him and cuddled closer, breathing in his scent.

“I don’t wanna lose you.” Sean whispered.

“You won’t. I promise.” Mark soothed, stroking that lime green hair, kissing the crown of Sean’s head without thinking.

Neither of them spoke for a while, just laying there with one another, curtains drawn shut, heart monitor beeping steadily. Mark snaked his arm around Sean’s shoulder and rubbed his back in small circles. Sean nestled his head in the crook of Mark’s arm.

“Sean?” Mark sniffled.

“Yeah?” Sean sat up, tangling his fingers in Mark’s, rubbing the back of his hand.

Mark looked up and him and started sobbing.

“Oh Marky...Comere, it’s okay.” Sean cooed, pulling Mark into a tight embrace.

Mark clung to Sean desperately, whimpering, shoulders shaking, the saddest breakdown he’d ever had. Sean held him close, rocking and humming gently.

“I fucked up, Sean. I’m so sorry I did this to you.” Mark cried.

“Mark, stop apologising. I swear I’m not upset with ya, I jus’ don’t want ya hurting when I can help you.” Sean played with Mark’s dark locks of soft hair.

“Please don’t go. I know I’m hard to deal with, but I can’t be alone.” Mark whispered sadly.

“I’m not going anywhere. Cross my heart.” Sean promised, rubbing Mark’s back.

Mark had fallen asleep, worn out from crying. He was gripping Sean’s sweater sleeve loosely. Sean was sitting upright in his bed, watching some daytime crime show. A nurse opened the window, she thought Mark needed the sun, it might improve his mood. He didn’t object since Mark’s eyes were shielded anyhow. Sometimes Mark would stir or make little noises, Sean just stroked his hair and shushed him sweetly.

“Shh, hush Marky. I’ve got ya, sweet boy.” He would whisper, and that got Mark to get calm.

They had to stay for two days, Mark slept for most of it, and if he wasn’t sleeping he was in pain, crying, or both. Sean didn’t leave the hospital either, as he’d promised, and everybody knows Sean William McLoughlin is always true to his word. He learned how to take care of Mark from nurses who had taken quite a liking to them, what medicines he needed and when, how to keep him happier, to keep an eye on him. Mark felt guilty, needing a guardian as a grown man so he wouldn’t hurt himself sounded ridiculous. But Sean was more than happy to do it, he figured it would be good for them both, to always have somebody to lean on, to have a safety net. Mark was all Sean had at the moment, he loved him, being able to help him, and Mark was the same.


End file.
